 I don’t really think I have a good
concept of death. Having never lost someone very close to me, I don’t
completely understand the realization that you will never see that person again
in this life. When I truly contemplate on the word, it has a sobering effect.
And yet, I throw around the word “death” so flippantly—mostly in regards to my
flesh. I am willing to pray and to share that I desire to mortify (put to
death) my flesh. But, I rarely, if ever, see the consistent death of my desires
and lusts. Instead, my sinful desires, passions, and idols hide in secret,
being fed by my apparent lack of understanding of the word death. Dead things
don’t grow. They don’t appear suddenly in the form of bitterness, anger,
selfishness, folly, laziness, and apathy. And yet, here is my heart, full of
these sins, and in my self-idolatry I continue to feed my flesh instead of
putting it to death.
As I was reading and praying
through certain passages of Scripture, I came to a passage that made its way
past my eyes and mind, and into my heart to convict me. Jonah, after he is
swallowed up in the belly of the fish for wanting his own way, says “When my
soul was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer went up to You, to
Your holy temple. Those who cling to worthless idols forsake Your
lovingkindness” (Jonah 2:7) As I looked into the mirror of God’s Word, I saw my
heart in Jonah’s heart. Because of my overwhelming wickedness and sinful flesh,
because of my desire to mortify the flesh and yet seeing no death in sight, because
I was helpless and could no longer foolishly try to sustain myself, my soul was
fainting away! Have you ever had that realization—the realization that without
Christ, without His grace, mercy, and lovingkindness, without making Him your
First Love, you will die? Without Him my soul would faint away; my life would
have no purpose; my heart would have no relief. I live life so independently. I
make my own decisions. Just like the Israelites made their treaty with the
Gibeonites without inquiring of the Lord, I live my life in idolatry, making
myself my own god. Whether it’s not accepting God’s will for my life, seeking
my own way, or fulfilling the lusts of my flesh, it’s only because of God’s
mercy that He opens my eyes to my foolish sin and my deceitful heart. I see how
I, like Jonah, completely forsake the lovingkindess of my Lord when I pursue my
worthless (and I am truly worthless!) idols of self.
Thankfully, the Lord does not leave
me here to wallow in self-misery at my sinfulness. The next verses continue: “
But, I will sacrifice to You with a voice of thanksgiving. I will fulfill what
I have vowed. Salvation is from the Lord!” (Jonah 2:8-9). Praise the Lord for
His salvation! Because of His lovingkindess, because of His salvation, because
of what I have vowed to Him, I WILL sacrifice everything—my heart, my dreams,
my desires, my reputation, my relationships, my spiritual growth and
maturity—to Him. But not only that, I can and will do it with a voice of
thanksgiving! What a relief to know that I, like Jonah, can sacrifice all to
God, and be thankful while doing it! I can mortify my flesh and its desires! I
can cast down the idol of self! And although it hurts. although it is not easy
or fun, although no one else may understand, I can praise the Lord in
thankfulness that my prayer went to His holy temple, and that He restores my
soul!
Therefore, when I am discouraged at
the nasty roots of sin that continue to spring up in my heart, I will say with
Paul, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not
driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not
destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of
Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies” (2 Corinthians 4:8-10). And then,
after this triumphant and encouraging battle cry against our flesh, Paul tells
us how we experience this victory: “For we who live are always being given over
to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in
our mortal flesh” (2 Corinthians 4:11). I die daily! I CAN give up myself to
death, because in my death, Christ is glorified through me! I will still sin—I
will still struggle. And yet, God promises me that He will change me, and I
will glorify Him.
“Let not sin reign therefore reign
in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members
to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as
those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as
instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since
you are not under law but under grace” (Romans 6:12-14). “So we do not lose
heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed
day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal
weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are
seen but to the things that are unseen” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
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