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Anger takes on a lot of different faces that all come back to the same root in the heart.  Whether your anger manifests itself in the explosion of temper, the cutting words of sarcasm, or the slow simmer of bitterness; there is something going on at the foundational level of your heart that needs to be figured out.  At its basic level, anger comes from a discontentment with God’s ways in my everyday life and a quest for my own way.

I’m personally not an “exploder” so I really didn’t think that I struggled with anger, but the more I read and examined myself and got honest, I realized that my heart of anger was not only alive and well, but was showing up everywhere.  So why am I so angry?

Well, as far as where anger comes from, I must admit that I came by it fairly honest.  Anger goes back as far as mankind goes back.  Although anger and the potential violence that results from it may seem to be at an all time high in our society, anger is not a new problem.  Anger showed up quickly in the history of humanity.  Has it ever occurred to you that after Adam and Eve fell they very shortly gave birth to a murderer?  Cain in jealous anger murdered his brother Abel.  You see, Adam and Eve gave birth to fallen, angry children who, in turn, gave birth to fallen, angry children all the way down to me and you.  I have seen this so potently with the birth of our first daughter who just turned one a couple weeks ago.  I’ll never forget the stares across the room as my wife and I sat in utter disbelief at how loudly Ella could scream.  At first the innocence of a new born causes your heart of compassion to see no fault, but after several months you start realizing that she’s actually getting pretty angry.  If you don’t think it’s really anger then I dare you take away one of her toys or, heaven forbid, her Cheerios.  She will give you a look of horror followed by a poochy lip that will almost reach out and slap you.  When you see this, you better watch out because it’s coming.  My daughter will unload in a fit of anger that will shock your socks off.  Sometimes we would find ourselves laughing at her, but I’m really not laughing anymore.  I’ve actually become very sobered, because I’m seeing now where she got it from – she’s a lot like her daddy.  She doesn’t get what she wants when she wants it.  Isn’t that when I get irritated?  She had something taken away from her that she wanted to keep.  Isn’t that when I get sarcastic and start cutting people with my words?  Maybe you’re thinking, “But what you did in taking that away from her wasn’t fair” – Right?  Isn’t it interesting that my “unfair” alarm seems to go off multiple times a day?  No, I don’t throw myself on the floor in a fit of anger when I am inconvenienced, but my heart of anger is exactly the same as Ella’s – I want my own way! 

So anger is not just something that we take on every once in a while.  It’s really who we are!  It’s me!  People and circumstances just bring to the surface what is already in my angry heart.  So that’s where anger comes from, but now let’s ask the question, “what does my anger reveal about me?”

We will be well served in asking ourselves this question.  We are so good at seeing and recognizing external things in our lives, but external sin only reveals internal struggles.  This is why James tells us to not only “Cleanse your hands, ye sinners,” but also “Purify your hearts, ye double minded.”  Your flesh will be satisfied to wash your hands all day long, so long as you don’t purify your heart, because this is where the flesh loses and the Spirit wins.  It’s in the battle on the inside, not the battle on the outside, that the real war of anger is raging.  So what is really going on when you get angry?  This is where Lou Priolo’s book, The Heart of Anger, has helped me so much.  Priolo explains how that my anger is simply a revealer of the idols of my heart.  I have a desire, which in and of itself may not be sinful, but when threatened, I become angry.  This reveals that my desire was inordinate.  It had become an idol to me.  Let me explain.  Just a couple of Sundays ago, I was looking forward to a relaxing afternoon of reading a book and hopefully dosing off for a little refreshing nap – the perfect Sunday afternoon.  The only problem was that we were celebrating my daughter’s first birthday that evening after the service, and I forgot that my wife would need some help getting ready.  No big deal, just a half hour and I would surely fulfill my duties and be back on track for my refreshing Sunday that I had planned – Right?  It started with wrapping the presents and then making sure we had the all the food ready to go and last but definitely not least, the first birthday cake.  I really am trying to serve.  I really do want to help my wife.  I really want it to be a great little party.  But I really just wanted to get everything done as quickly as possible so I could get back to my refreshing Sunday afternoon which was fading quickly.  It all came to a tension point at the birthday cake.  Stephanie was making the most amazing lady bug cake you’ve ever seen, but by this point I’ve had all I can take.  So I begin by trying to convince her that it doesn’t have to be as detailed as she wanted it to be.  “Nobody cares if it’s perfect but you.”  “We’re just going to eat it.”  By the time I’m done with my verbal assault, I’ve begun to accuse her about the cake being more about her than about Ella.  No, the real truth was that it was all about me!  I wanted what I wanted and this cake was standing in my way.  I was willing to say hurtful words and attack the person I love the most because I had an idol of a refreshing Sunday afternoon.  We finally finished and I plopped into my chair.  “Finally,” I thought!  I grabbed my book, War of Words by Paul David Tripp, opened it up to the next chapter, “Idol Words.”  BUSTED!  

My anger revealed my idolatry.  My desires were inordinate.  What I wanted was a good thing gone bad because I wanted it too much.  Did God not want me to get to read my book?  Oh no, God wanted me to read it alright - He just wanted me to see that I was an idolater first.  May God help us to see our anger for what it really is – a discontentment with God’s ways in my everyday life and an inordinate desire for my own way.

Posted by Aaron Coffey