“How did I get here?”  I found myself asking this question two weeks ago as our team was fellowshipping over a meal.  More specifically I meant, “How did I get on this team?”  I looked back then over the last year at the sovereign hand of God and became overwhelmed with the way God clearly led me to this team.  One year ago, this was definitely not a part of my plans.  The path here was not easy.  I struggled through the valley and even feared at some points that I would not make it through each day; but I did.

A person’s true self can very easily be revealed when squeezed by the hand of God.  Through my trial this past year, my eyes were opened to the wickedness of my own heart, yet at the same time to some wonderful truths about who God is.  

 

James 3:13-18 describes wisdom that is earthly and heavenly.  This earthly wisdom is full of “bitter envying and strife”.  It is described as bitter jealousy or selfish ambition, unspiritual, and demonic and “where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work” (vs. 16).  When I read these verses, I became speechless.  These characteristics were exactly describing my attitude over the last 8 months.  I had, in my own “sovereign plan”, been trying to control the trial God had placed in my life.  I used hurtful words of manipulation and control to try to get my own way.  I was filled with jealousy and anger.  These attitudes were creating disorder in lives around me and causing pain to those I loved. 

As I continued reading this passage of scripture, the Holy Spirit continued to open my eyes.  Verse 17 and 18 say, “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.  And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.”  These characteristics of wisdom were exact opposite of my life!  “If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?  But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.”  Psalm 130:3,4.  God broke me over my sin and brought me to my knees.  I had not been creating a world of peace around me.  I began to pray that God would create in me this wisdom that is full of meekness (vs. 13).  This meant I must let God have the throne of my heart once again.  I submitted my life to His sovereign plan and let the Holy Spirit begin the recovery process of bringing me back into a right relationship with God. 

 

I am on this team because of God’s hand directly shifting my life around.  Initially, I thought God’s plans were horrible and definitely not what I wanted!  Now I realize there is a far greater purpose to live for than what I desired, and that is the purpose of the gospel.  Why am I here?  God has me on this team for the sake of Him who bore my sins upon that cross and suffered and died there for me.  

 

Posted by Reba Snyder